Will I ever be free of my cravings?

A new client once asked me if her cravings to say "screw it" at the weekends would get any easier with time.

And I told her the truth – which was of course they would!

But only if she could stop rewarding the urges in the moment (i.e. follow her plan) and start teaching her brain new reactions to how she felt. 

To do that, she would have to believe new things about the jobs she was giving to food and alcohol, about who she was as an eater and drinker, and about what she deserved in her future. ✨

And if she could believe those new things, she would start to act differently which would rewire her relationship with food and alcohol (and change her cravings) over time. 💝

But in the moment, on that Friday night or Saturday afternoon, urges and cravings can feel miserable. I get it more than you know! 

The skills gap (that no-one wants to talk about and everyone wants a quick-fix for 😵‍💫) is your ability to handle the discomfort of that sizzling, bubbling, frantic urge, without doing anything other than allow it to exist in your body. 

Let the sensations move around without fear. The vibrations bounce within you without panic. 

You've got this. Your only job in moment of urge is to let it be there without going to battle with it. Without telling yourself a story that it's too overwhelming and you've got to fight it to win. 🤺

Fighting the urge just causes more discomfort. You're implying it shouldn't be there, that it's not OK, and you don't have space for it.

But what if you didn't think those things? 🤔

What if you thought your urges were perfectly normal? (because p.s. THEY ARE)

That nothing was wrong?

That everything was absolutely fine and you could trust yourself to obey your confident and bright future self over your present self's limiting desire to make uncomfortable feelings go away?

And you paused, and took a few deep breaths to acknowledge everything. 

What if you started to believe that just because you want something doesn't have to mean you need it or must have it? Your primal brain just wants the flood of dopamine which gets in the way of you acting in integrity with yourself.

The key is to break the cycle. 

You're not missing out on anything by not obeying your urges. 

It's time to consider what you're actually missing out on by constantly obeying them and believing you can't withstand them or that it's not worth your effort... Stuck in a cycle that's ruled by your primitive brain over your highest self. 

I know it's annoying when you hear this BUT urges are revealing something to you. 

They're showing you that you need something which ISN'T FOOD OR ALCOHOL. 

Some of it might just be habitual. If you've come home every day from work and had a snack at the same time, in the same place, you'll have urges to have it again the next day. It's not particularly emotional and it's easy to change if you focus on the right things. 

But some of it might be running deeper. Wrapped up in your upbringing, learnt behaviours, social conditioning, emotional management and self-worth. 

And if in those moments when you want something to make you feel better or make the urge go away, and you let your defences down and CALMLY ask yourself what you really need, you might just be able to FINALLY hear what your body is telling you. 

Rest. Peace. Comfort. Acknowledgement. Space. Quiet. Connection. Decompression. Pleasure.

It's not the food. It's not the drink. It's the feeling. 

And if you can give your body what it actually wants and needs in those moments, you can start to retrain your eating and drinking habits. 

As I told my client, you'll decrease the frequency and intensity of your urges so that eventually you feel free.

You'll stop eating and drinking as a way to tune out and you'll start tuning in to what genuinely makes you feel good. 

This is how you lose weight and can keep it off. BECOMING someone who no longer feeds themselves in a disempowered way. 

But here's the rub.

It DOESN'T mean you never have urges again.

It means that whilst you'll have far fewer than you did before, you also have the self-belief, trust and confidence to know you can handle them without saying f*ck it for the sake of short-term instant gratification that just keeps trapping you in a hollow cycle that you wish you were free of. 

And you keep proving to yourself that food and alcohol doesn't have power over you. And that you CAN act in alignment with how you want to feel.

And if you've had years of dieting and emotional eating, THIS shift is more powerful than we give it credit for. 💥

EXERCISE

When you next have an urge, acknowledge it: I have an urge for chocolate. 

Then acknowledge this other truth: My urges aren't a problem.They can't hurt me. They are revealing something to me.

Ask yourself: What is this urge showing me that I need? And am I willing to give that to myself?

What would I need to believe about my capacity to handle discomfort that would mean I rode out this urge with confidence and grace? Why is this worth it to me?

Set a timer for 30 minutes (or longer if you like) and let the urge exist within you without resisting it and going to battle with it. 

If you still want the thing after 30 minutes, have it and try to savour and enjoy every bite without abandoning yourself.