Ten things I’d tell 30 year old me

Having just turned 40, here are ten things I’d tell my 30 year old self with everything I’ve learnt in the last decade…

1. Nothing is certain and you never know what’s coming.
   
   I know you’re betting on a long life surrounded by your loved ones and that you’re mapping everything out as best you can to ensure your future happiness, but things can change overnight. That’s the truth of it.
   
   So keep an eye on the future and what you want to achieve but live wholly in the present, show gratitude for everything that you already have and don’t get complacent with feeling alive today.

2. Working on your self-worth and what you believe you deserve is the most valuable investment you can make.
   
   Do therapy on improving your self-worth and confidence. Do it now! Do it as soon as you can because it’ll change how you perceive yourself, what you believe you’re deserving of in this lifetime, and will take you on a trajectory towards a more fulfilling, authentic and satisfying life. And isn’t that the point of it all??
   

3. Stop keeping yourself small when you know you’re capable of more.
   
   You are more than capable of achieving great things that you’re proud of. Try to honour the light that’s within you.
   
   Identify what you genuinely want and all the uncomfortable things that are required to achieve it, and then do those things without negotiation. Never negotiate on the action that’s required to achieve your goals — just honour your word and do as you say.
   
   Do not stop until you’ve got what you want, no matter how long it takes. The discomfort you’ll feel on the way will make you stronger, more resilient and capable of handling all the curveballs you didn’t know were coming (see point 1).
   

4. Work hard on your friendships.
   
   You do this already but make sure you continue to put the energy into building new friendships and nurturing existing ones.
   
   Friends and community will help you feel safe, loved and supported, not to mention happy and fulfilled, and you’ll be able to lean on them when you need them most.
   

5. Stop doing things for other people’s approval.
   
   You don’t realise it yet but you’re a massive people-pleaser. Especially with men! 😬 But your loveability, enoughness, value and worth are simply not tied to what you do and don’t do, or to how you look.
   
   Do things because they feel right to you. Because they give you energy. Because they lift you up. Not so that someone gives you an imaginary A* or deems you acceptable. You are enough! You are amazing! Block out the noise and stop trying to be so “good”! And read this book ASAP.

6. STOP DIETING.
   
   You’re overweight and uncomfortable in your body because you’re eating and drinking to make discomfort go away, and because you think eating and drinking in a particular style is super important and means you’re living a good life!
   
   Food and alcohol is an easy buffer to how you feel but robs you of your vitality. And dieting will never address your emotional connection with food which is why it never works!
   
   To change the behaviour and consequently how you eat/drink and feel in your body, you have to stop dieting and stop avoiding uncomfortable emotions. Life coaching will help you do this. Embrace it as quickly as you can.
   

7. You can always lead with kindness and love even when you’re upset.
   
   Stop reacting and shouting. Stop being righteous and close-minded.
   
   Be kind, always. Show compassion, always.
   
   We’re not all meant to do the same thing or follow the same rules and principles. Thank goodness! Life would be so boring if that were true.

8. Don’t make things mean crappy things about you.
   
   Stop making things mean you’re inadequate or not good enough. What someone else says or does is about their own complexes and fears. It is never about you.
   
   You are good enough and loveable just as you are. Have compassion for the other person (everyone is doing the best they can with what they have) and choose to no longer attach meaning to things that will ultimately lead to your own self-judgement and discomfort.
   
   This is how you take back your power and know that you’re always responsible for how you feel (which is a wonderful thing)!
   

9. Stay conscious to what brings you energy.
   
   Your energy is your most valuable asset. How you feel in your day-to-day life is what matters most.
   
   Recognise what attracts you, what you find easy or effortless or simply enjoy doing (for me this was life coaching), and lean into those things without worrying how you can make them “work”. It will become clear when it’s the right time.
   
   Try to somehow incorporate these things into each and every day, and listen to the whispers in your heart about what you’re capable of what and how you think you could contribute to the world. You have magic within you, everyone does. Life’s too short to suppress or contain it out of fear of judgement.
   
   Simply put, if it gives you energy, follow it. If it depletes you of energy, move away.
   

10. And if in doubt, get a manicure, massage, highlights or spray tan.